We often convince ourselves after only a couple of lengthy chats and sometimes complemented with perhaps a handful of meet-ups that we indeed have found and made friends. But what is a friend in the true sense of the word?
Friends tend to come in all sorts of frames, shapes and sizes, but personally, especially with all that's happened to me in the past, I hold firm reservations on making a firm statement that you are MY FRIEND.
It could take me a day and a half to nail my point home, of what I would consider a friend, and unconditional at that.
And this goes a long way especially to people looking for life-long partners (read marriage).
You would need someone who understands and appreciate you as a friend,laying a firm foundation that when it comes to making the vows, you know they'll mean it when they ultimately say I DO.
After all that would be you "bestest" of friends of a lifetime.
Friendship is an in-depth relationship. It is supposed to be comfortable and relaxed,but requires meeting the needs of both friends.
My old man used to tell me that building a friendship takes time as it requires self-disclosure and any friendship has risks, while talking and listening builds a friendship. And that not all friends are good for you, so he capped it up by advising to recognize toxic friends.
Friendships require equality and loyalty from friends but how many of us do that? Loyalty,Loyalty,Loyalty.
Conflict must be resolved for friendships to continue.But just like anything on planet earth,friendships do end! Friendships can lose importance and die gradually,while others end abruptly with unresolved conflict. The worst enemy of friendships is change by one or both friends. There is usually pain with the loss of friendship, which sometimes triggers hatred and envy,fueling unwarranted competition for honors and social edge or status.Some of the causes, as lamented by one expert:
1.Unexpressed expectations,
2.Undelivered communication,
3.And/or thwarted attention
But as I was reading one book, I got this one, and thought it was only good to share, lest folks forget that we only have one life to live.
1. People Equal Friends.
There is a certain chemistry with friends just as in a love relationship. Therefore, contact with other people is the first building block to grow a friend. Friends can't grow in a vacuum. Best friends take time.
2. Talking Is Essential Among Friends.
Talking between friends requires reciprocity. In a mutually satisfying friendship, both friends talk and both friends listen. Friends talk appropriately to each other.Never be judgmental.
3. Friends Acknowledge Friends.
Friends acknowledge each other when talking. Many conflicts in your personal relationships can be avoided if you will take the time to acknowledge other's feelings and points of view.Avoid looking upon your frends ideas as unimportant.
4. Friends Listen to Friends.
Listening to friends in an important step in building a closer friendship. We often take listening for granted, never realizing what it means to really listen to a friend.
5. Friends Attend to Friends.
Friends focus during conversations. Friends pay attention in conversations. It means that your ears, your eyes, your body and your feelings are all focused on that person at the time.
6. Friends Show Empathy With Friends.
Empathy is identifying with your friend's feelings and seeing life through your friend's eyes. Confidences are freely given when they are received with empathy among friends.
7. Friends Touch Friends.
Touching is a warm form of communication between friends. When you see best friends communicating, you will notice friends "listen with their eyes," stand close together, and touch comfortably.
8. Friends Praise Friends.
Affirmation is a powerful tool for growing a friend. Genuine praise can affect your friends' lives. Be liberal with praise for all of your friends, including your casual ones.
9. Friends Are Loyal and Trustworthy.
Trust and loyalty go hand-in-hand for friends. Friends can trust you with their secrets, both large and small, because good friends never break a confidence. Good friends are forever loyal!
10. Friends are Equal.
Friends are on a seesaw. In a healthy relationship, friends are equals. Not 50/50 every time, of course, but with a true, lasting friendship it always evens out in the end.
11. Friends Reveal Their Feelings.
We feel closest to our friends when we are suffering together, when we feel like our friend needs us, or when we feel a friend has shared something of great importance with us.
12. Friends Do Not Mind Read.
The person who thinks, "If you really liked me, you could read my mind" can not have an adult friendship. No friend can read your mind. And you can not read your friend's mind.
To Top it all, The best time to grow a best friend is before you need one!
Teaching is my proffession, Sharing is my passion but Tenderness is my only weakness!
I understand what you mean Phad. Friendship is very important in our lives, we should always cheerish it, just like we cheerish our life. A true friend doesn't like you for your money, your fine clothes, your fame and such. He/she is with you, just for that need of one human to connect with another. It's still about connecting, so let's.
Friends do let us down, but we must admit, most of the time we are not surprised. Sometime we so much need to have friends that we make stupid compromises. And there are times when we refuse to see our own short comings and are quick to cry "I've been let down," when in fact all we've been doing is letting the other ones down all the time.
Re:How true a friend are you? 2 Months, 3 Weeks ago
THERE IS NO TRUE FRIEND BUT GOD.
ALL FRIENDS ANY ONE HAS WILL LET YOU DOWN, ONE WAY OR ANOTHER, SOONER OR LATER!!
PLACE YOUR TRUST IN GOD. HE FORGIVES SINS, HE CREATED US OUT OF MERCY AND HIS LOVE AND KINDNESS, HE PROVIDES FOR US FOOD, WATER, GOOD LOOKS AND HEALTH, SHELTER, BESTOWS UPON US FAMILY AND LOVED ONES.
WHEN WE BEGIN TO KNOW ABOUT ALLAH (GOD), THEN WE FIND A FRIEND WHO NEVER LETS US DOWN. BECAUSE ALL HIS PROMISES ARE TRUE, BECAUSE IF WE PLACE OUR TRUST AND HOPE IN HIM, WE FIND THAT WE ARE CONTENT WITH FELLOW HUMAN BEINGS, WHO ARE PRONE TO MAKE MISTAKES. AND WHO AREN'T PERFECT..IN NATURE. SO WE LEARN TOLERANCE THROUGH TRUE FAITH.
NO ONE WILL EVER FIND PERFECT FRIENDSHIP ELSEWHERE BUT WITH ALLAH (GOD), MY LORD AND YOUR LORD.
HASN'T HE GIVEN YOU LIFE WHEN YOU WERE NOTHING?
WHAT HAS YOUR SO CALLED (EARTHLY) FRIEND GIVEN YOU THAT CAN MATCH THAT GIVEN BY GOD???
I INVITE YOU TO ISLAM, THOSE LOOKING FOR TRUE FRIENDSHIP. AND YOU WON'T FIND IT ELSEWHERE BUT THE HOLY QURAN.. READ IT YOURSELF AND MAKE NO EXCUSES ON THE DAY OF JUDGMENT. THE MESSAGE HAS REACHED YOU, THEREFORE ACT ON IT!
Re:How true a friend are you? 2 Months, 3 Weeks ago
You have spoken the truth AL - KALIL indeed only God is A TRUE FRIEND all we have are humans we associete with just to live and be together. What else you havent seen or heard ?
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